Semi-lucid thoughts of a sleep deprived mother. 

At least one of us sleeps

I haven’t slept for more than three straight hours in eight months. I’m being held together through sheer force of will, caffeine, and napping in toilet stalls. Sometimes I forget what I’m doing – while I’m doing it. Why am I in the kitchen and why is the cat in the refrigerator? Did I say cat? I meant toothbrush. Sometimes I mix up words. I have a yoga mat in my office that is only used for corpse pose.
I’m mostly doing a decent job of being a person who is, you know… awake. But there are some things that I am just not capable of dealing with right now.

Things I can’t handle

The truth

Yes, I’ve seen the foreboding articles about how sleep deprivation will steal your soul and turn you into a hypertensive zombie. No, that doesn’t actually help me any.

Suggestions that I need a nap

If by nap you mean sleep for three weeks straight, then yes, I should take a nap. Otherwise it’s just peeing on a house fire.

Your bad night

I know, no comparing miseries. But please don’t tell me about how you woke up twice last night and you are just so tired. Sure, in some ways it may actually feel worse to you; my body has forgotten there was ever another way. At this point I couldn’t sleep for more than two hours in a row if I wanted to. And I desperately want to.

Deep thoughts

I haven’t held onto a complete thought in months. I look very contemplative while I stare into space, but I’m working on involuntary reflexes and nothing more.

My Job

There are many reasons I continue to breastfeed, not least of which is hanging a sign on my office door and taking a nap while I pump.

Socializing

I may have seen you daily for five years, but I have completely forgotten your name. The look on my face isn’t boredom, it’s a basic absence of being.

Alcohol

One beer will knock me out faster than Thanksgiving dinner.

Board games

Candyland is mind-numbing on the best days. Right now I want to find a gumdrop pillow inside the peanut brittle house and never leave.

Movies

My attention span is approximately 20 minutes. Did Elsa ever leave the ice castle?

Finishing my senten….

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6 Comments on "Semi-lucid thoughts of a sleep deprived mother. "

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sjrash
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sjrash

I saw Reel Big Fish not too long ago… and it’s amazing how everyone was in their 30’s at the show… and how the crowd thinned as the night wore on because it was a work night.

sjrash
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sjrash

yet, somehow, this was supposed to be a comment on your JLC post.
i keep failing at wordpress comments.
i give up.

Sherrie Bowser
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Loved this so much. S has never been a good sleeper. She didn’t sleep through the night until 18 months. Things have improved, but still at almost 2 years old sleeping through the night is an exception rather than an expectation. I have read the articles, I have lost ability to string together words, poured milk in the honey jar, thought of various ways to murder a clueless graduate student whose only topic of conversation was how tired he was because he had received 5 hours of sleep the night before. I don’t have an it gets better ending. I… Read more »
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why i am not skinny
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6month old baby here… you need to include the “please stop asking me every day how *last night was?*… “. It isn’t going to change over night… she isn’t going to suddenly sleep through… or is she???? And on socializing… “I know we have been friends for 5years… but right now I have half an hour free and all I want to do is lie in the bathtub with a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate (which will probably make me feel sick half way through)… and not have to put on make up, swap my stretch pants… Read more »
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