It starts as scattered seeds — kernels anchored by anxiety and waiting for the right conditions to sprout. Some days they are fertilized by memories. Some days by fear. Most often they germinate themselves, arriving with a lunchbox of sunlight and water as they feed one another.
Rowan had his 15 month appointment today. It was a little spur of the moment, because I called to set up the appointment and they said there was an opening this afternoon.
Seven years ago today, the second line showed up on a pregnancy test that I really did not think was going to be positive. I had been Googling all sorts of possible reasons I could have ovulated when I did, but not gotten my period. I alternated those searches with searching to see if every twinge or feeling could be a sign of early pregnancy. Pro tip: Everything can be a sign of early pregnancy if you search Dr. Google enough. Who knows if my ear ache, sore finger, or flaking nail polish were indications that I was pregnant, but I was.
Rowan has hand foot and mouth disease. And being Rowan, he doesn’t have it just a little, he is absolutely covered in blisters. Face, arms, hands, butt, legs, feet. He’s been out of daycare all week, and I am so freaking over it.
I’m scared to jinx it, but Rowan is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. It’s like a switch flipped on the whole sleep thing. I just wanted to get to the point where he would sleep until at least midnight, or only wake up once or twice. But instead he’s sleeping most nights from 8:00 – 6:00 or more, Zach actually had to wake him up the other day.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything really personal about Rowan and the whole preemie experience. Sure, I’ve had things published in other outlets about it, but when was the last time I really took a minute to take stock of the last year+?