6:15am: My alarm goes off.
I slowly and carefully extract myself from the bed, careful not to wake the toddler who has almost certainly ended up velcroed to my nipple at some point in the night. I tiptoe out of the room, stepping gingerly over the sleeping dog, who is blessedly deaf and does not notice what she does not feel.
Embarrassing our children — Not just for human kids anymore.
We get Squirt shaved once a year or so, but normally if we are going to get Maya groomed it’s just a bath and brush out. But because I am not capable of caring for the number of living beings in my house, she had gotten matted without me realizing how bad it was in a couple of areas. So this happened. She is so fucking embarrassed.
There are times when the fact that my backyard is a giant downward slope is annoying. When I am offered a free motorized toddler car, but know it would never make it back up the hill. When I want to set up a kiddie pool on flat ground. When trying to build garden boxes. When the garage at the bottom of the yard floods.
If you live anywhere along the east coast you likely have a plan for what needs to be done when a hurricane threatens. Maybe you evacuate at the first mention of the word “tropical” or maybe you clear the store shelves of milk and vodka.
The close race between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump defies all logic. How could a human cheese doodle with anger issues possibly be this close to the presidency?
Lorelei has taken to dumping glitter on her head on a semi-regular basis. I don’t mean a cute little glitter shower, I mean a freaking glitter deluge. She had a friend over this weekend and they took turns filling a cap with glitter and pouring it on each other. Her mom used a lice comb to get some of it out of the friend’s hair. I… just left it. A beautiful gold layer of shine is coating my floors. By that night I looked like I had the glitterpox.
Whenever I mention camping with small kids people look at me like I am the most badass outdoorswoman to ever make a toddler carry her own fully loaded pack into the deep woods.