Facebook recently reminded me that Lorelei did not sleep completely through the night until she was almost two years old. How depressing. Rowan slept for five hours once, but it wasn’t the most useful time slot, since it started at 7:30pm. I seem to have forgotten how to sleep, anyway.
The internet is full of criticisms for mom groups, and I will admit to laughing far too hard at the recent Ten Little Monkeys parody that has been making the rounds. I know those moms; the helpful advice couched in disapproval, the condescension and impractical suggestions. I know the moms who look for a fight, who rage quit at every opportunity and who have turned hypocrisy into an art form. The moms who publicly attack their peers for transgressions in the organic food aisle, and then hit up the drive through on the way home.
Dear mom who is totally screwing up,
Today my five year old daughter screamed the whole way home because I would not buy her a pottery wheel.
I have been a full-time work-out-of-the-home mother for almost six years, so you would think I have it all under control by now.
Do you use a Petri dish with viruses? I don’t know how to science.
Everyone is sort of sneezy and snotty, and Rowan started coughing and wheezing. I stayed home with him yesterday, glad that this seemed to be a regular cold, and not another Bronchiolitis-level illness.
“They’re only young once.”
The words are superimposed on an idyllic picture of a child in nature or a beach with footprints leading to the horizon. There’s always a hazy filter. The bottom caption implores you to leave a counter full of dirty dishes, to eschew housework, to be present for your children for they will grow up before your very eyes. We are reminded that no one has ever said they wish they had spent more time doing housework, and less time with the kids.
I’ve heard there is an important game of sportsball on today. Rowan says #keeppounding. I don’t even know what that means. His middle name is a tribute to my best friend Steven, who, in a complete and reckless disregard for gay stereotypes is a huge Panthers fan.