Life

Dating

Ok, Fine, Let’s Talk About Dating

I’ve had a near-complete mental block on writing for months. The months prior were a slow closure of the door to my thoughts, creaking ominously, rather than a sudden slam; I could write, then I could write occasionally, then I could sort of write, and then I could barely write at all. I tend to blame it on the Wellbutrin. Sometimes directly — the medicine that keeps me from wanting to walk endlessly into the Gulf of Mexico is also taking away my passion. Other times, I feel it is an indirect side effect of the main point of the drug – it makes me not depressed, and we all know that writers only write when the tell-tale heart is being knocked upon by the black thing with feathers that will not stop for death.

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Life

The Potential Energy of What Could Have Been

I’m a sucker for ceremony.

I know, it surprises me too. I’m the kid who almost got suspended in high school for holding up sarcastic signs during a pep rally; I don’t seem like the type to cry over Pomp and Circumstance. Alas, give me heartfelt speeches and slideshows of memories and I will show you what it looks like to stoically attempt to pull back tears before they spill over.  When my sister graduated from UNC, I cried during an a cappella version of Carolina in My Mind.

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Greatest HitsLife

Life Lessons in Course Correction From Ms. Pac-Man

My dream as a kid was to be an Olympic roller skater.

Never mind that roller skating isn’t in the Olympics — that was a small obstacle to my ten-year-old brain. Childhood felt powerless, with everyone making all of the decisions for me as I was pulled along for the ride, willing or not. But adulthood, man, that was going to be the jam. My vision of being a grown up had no room for tiny details like my dream not existing — in my head, the future molded to me.

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LifeMental HealthPrematurity

The Future Is Not Now and Maybe I’m Ok With That

The last few years have been a long-distance marathon away from a pick-your-poison selection of darknesses. The state of being me felt unrelenting and impossible to bear — In my mind, I was not running towards anything better, I was just running away. I was plumb out of fight, so all that was left was a panicked flight to keep the shadows behind me — hard to do when you’re not necessarily setting the sun as your destination.

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