Beginnings

I’m just about done with 2022. I mean, technically, we are all just about done with it, but I’m dramatically and metaphorically done with it.

I decided not to go to the Jump, Little Children show because BFF Steven was sick and couldn’t go with me, and it was stupid cold outside. I hadn’t slept well because Rowan had a cold and kept coughing. It felt like the universe was throwing signs left and right, telling me to stay home.

But I took a nap a few hours before the show, woke up refreshed, and decided the universe could go fuck itself with its signs.

(Leave it to me to turn a trip I’ve been planning for months into something spontaneous.)

Then I misread the start time and missed the first few songs. I overshot my hotel on the way back and ended up walking an extra mile in sub-zero windchills.

But I saw the show. Take that universe!

Except… while I was gone, my power went out, and I lost all my perishables.

The universe being squirrely or confirmation bias?

It’s been a long December, and Seasonal Affective Disorder is threatening to kick my ass this winter. So, yeah, I’m about ready to kick 2022 to the curb.

“Maybe this year will be better than the last”

But how do I start 2023 off in a way that feels intentional in creating a better start to the new year?

I don’t like new year’s resolutions. They feel like future shame lurking in the guise of good intentions. (I did not get my Facebook blue badge this past year, and I’m salty about it). They’re just too much pressure.

But I’ve been feeling so aimless recently. Stagnant. My new therapist asked me what I was hoping to get out of therapy, and I honestly had no idea other than a soft place to land the next time my brain breaks apart. But the thing is, I don’t like staying still. I need to be moving towards something. Right now, I feel like I’m moving toward depression. Fuck that noise.

Enter: Values

There is something to be said for new ideas for a new year, and this is the time of year when I seem to gravitate toward the concept of values. But what to do with them?

10+ years ago, I did a 101 things in 1001 days list. The idea was made famous by The Day Zero project, which has a tagline of “Create an action list, not a bucket list.”

It occurred to me how nicely an intentionally crafted 101 things list could fit with the idea of aiming toward your values. The kinetic energy of actions vs. a wish list of unattainable goals appeals to me.

I think of a bucket list as big, wild ideas. I just looked up various bucket list lists and what I determined is that most people who make bucket lists are either raging idealists or have much more money than I do.

Steven and I do have a travel bucket list. It is mostly made up of things we cannot afford but would like to do. It is fun to add to, but it’s not particularly satisfying as a list of goals to actually accomplish. I doubt I’m going to Pompeii or Bermuda anytime soon.

My new 101 things list is for the sake of the doing, not for the sake of completing the list. Likewise, goals are in service of values. It’s got a sort of “the fun is in the journey” feel to it.

While I’m creating this new list, it’s interesting to look at my previous list and see how the focus has changed. The last list was made before I’d ever even given serious thought to going to therapy. It was full of a lot more fluff items that existed because I needed to fill some slots. Making that list was excruciatingly tedious. This time around, I’m letting my values guide me, and it is much easier and will be a much better list.

Growth, self-expression, curiosity, creativity, connection, and authenticity are the main values I always come back to.

I’m going to take the next week to finish up the list and will post it after the new year. If anybody wants to join me in this, I think the Day Zero Project has a way to keep track. But I find a spreadsheet to be just fine. I’d love to see what’s on your list!

Now, if I could just channel some of this theoretical motivation into cleaning my house.