Distress Tolerance in a Box — Homework I Can Handle

If you’re an extremely perceptive person, you may have caught just an inkling of the fact that I have felt a little reluctant about this whole DBT group thing.

Some weeks feel a little more comfortable than others. Everyone is super nice, but sometimes I just don’t feel very participatory. And it’ll come as a surprise to exactly no one that I suck at doing the homework. Monday mornings I think, “shit! I didn’t complete that worksheet of whatever feelings and mindfulness!” And then I hurriedly fill it out, based on what I think happened. It’s not even that I’m not paying attention, or that I’m not noticing things throughout the week that relate back to what we’ve been talking about — I just really suck at worksheets.

In the 8th grade we had to read Frankenstein. It was one of those deals where the whole class reads a chapter at a time in a painfully slow manner over the course of the semester. I read it over the course of a weekend, because if I like a book I’m going to devour it, and if I don’t like a book I’m just plain not going to bother.

When kids in the class had clearly not stayed caught up on their reading, Mr. Bishop would admonish them, “Why haven’t you done the reading? Rhiannon over here has already read the entire book!”

I’m sure it scored me lots of friends.

But when interim reports came out, instead of a grade it literally just said, “Rhiannon has done no work this semester.”

I remember telling my parents that that didn’t count the tests. Failing to mention that we hadn’t actually had any tests. I had read the book, and then simply not bothered to do the worksheets asking me to find a noun on page 82 or the adjectives in the first paragraph or whatthefuckever.

So in DBT, I have to keep reminding myself that the worksheets are not busy work. I mean, I still don’t do them routinely, but it’s not out of laziness, at least.

The first module (or second if you count the Mindfulness introduction) that we are doing is Distress Tolerance. I’ll admit that some of it is pretty interesting. I’ll also admit to spending time anagramming all the maaaaaaany acronyms. So. Many. Acronyms. Some are a bit contrived, so I try to make them better.

I’m sure admitting that will also score me lots of friends.

Before our meeting this past week, we were supposed to make a “distress tolerance kit.” I just call it my DBT box, because the only thing I dislike even more than “distress tolerance kit” is its alternate name of “self-soothing kit.” I have a specific hatred of the term “self-soothing.” Actually, DBT is starting to make me hate the word “soothe” entirely.

The part of me that sucks at homework was out voted by the part of me that love to buy things, creative thinking, and sensory toys. At first, I was just Googling what others had put in their boxes. I was planning to throw in whatever made sense and call it a day. Then I decided that if I was going to spend money on this, perhaps it was in my best interest to give it some actual thought. Since I retain some skepticism that I will ever use it as intended, I figured I should get stuff that I’d enjoy no matter what.

The idea is that when you’re feeling all the feels and might be tempted to use really shitty coping mechanisms, you can go chill out by looking through this box of stuff you’ve carefully curated. The only way I can admit to taking this seriously is via discussions about how I don’t want to admit to taking this seriously. So I guess this is the meta seriousness equivalent of ripping off a band aid … by blogging about it.

Also, my box is a bag because whatever.

• The bag itself has a specific meaning because it was made for me by a friend right after Rowan was born. I needed bags for carrying all the random stuff from the hospital and back again, and she made this one and a smaller version.

  

From there, I went down an Amazon rabbit hole and also paid visits to Target and Five Below. A few things I already owned, or just printed off.

(Amazon links are affiliate links, which doesn’t make any difference to the reader, but means if you buy something I get like one bajillionth of a percent of the sale, which I promise to spend in one place. Also, some of these things can be bought more cheaply, or in smaller quantities, elsewhere — so shop around!)

• Coloring book and colored pencils – I’m fairly sure this is a requirement. Adult coloring books are super trendy right now, and it’s an obvious addition to the collection. I went with Jenny Lawson’s coloring book, which I stood in line for freaking ever to have her sign. It’s hand-drawn by her, and specifically geared towards mental illness, so it really was a perfect choice.
  
  
• A sketchbook. I added some of my favorite Doctor Who quotes, held down with glittery washi tape. I included a mix of my favorite pens and some Ticonderoga pencils, because if they’re good enough for every school supply list ever, they’re good enough for this. The pencil bag itself is the ever popular reversible sequins, and fun to play with.
  
• Putty – color change and magnetic, along with some extra magnets. Sorry, I failed to get a picture. Think more like silly putty consistency, not slime. If you have small kids, make sure to get magnets big enough that they can’t be swallowed!

• Iron powder – to go along with the magnets

  

   

• Kinetic sand – I love kinetic sand. I’ve spent more time than my kids playing with it over the years. And just to make things fancy, I added a bunch of the iron powder to blue, and now I have magnetic kinetic sand, which is both fun to play with and to say.
  
• Embroidery floss – I needed something that I could do with Lorelei, and she has been wanting to learn how to make friendship bracelets. I also grabbed this case/floss winder/bobbin combo

• Glitter – I just really love glitter.
  
• Cold stuff – The eye mask and face gels/masks actually live in the fridge, so they can be used when I don’t feel like dipping my face in ice water. And to be honest, I never feel like dipping my face in ice water. And the cooling towel is one of many that I bought for Falcon Ridge, and figured would make a good addition.

The idea is that you will have things in the kit for all your senses. Touch and sight were easy for me. I had to think harder on the rest.

• Mp3 player – I bought a cheapo MP3 player on Amazon, and put only music that makes me feel better on it.

• Guitar chords – This isn’t exactly sound, but it reminds me that playing guitar is something I can do when things are overwhelming.

• Bubble bath – I have this kickass tub to relax in, and this was an easy way to incorporate smell. I’m also going to make some salt scrub sometime soon.

• Fingernail polish – Just because sometimes it’s nice to have fancy toes

• Werther’s Original Candy – I still needed something for taste, but I knew if I put chocolate in there that it wouldn’t last long. I’d never even get it into the bag before I ate it. Chelsea suggested something with additional meaning, mentioning specific candy that reminded her of her grandfather. I immediately knew that I needed to put Werther’s in there. My grandparents always had Werther’s.

• Reminders that I don’t suck at writing – these don’t fit any of the senses specifically, but I printed out both the very first essay I ever had published, and the Washington Post essay (as the most impressive byline I have). I also printed out a document I’d put together over the last couple of years of lots of the nice things people have said about my writing.

• My therapist’s business card w/ her cell number – Because if you’re going to make a bag to manage a crisis, that seems like a logical addition.

I let Lorelei look through it and now she wants to make her own distress tolerance kit. On one hand, she could really use it. On the other hand, she’d just strew all the parts of it all over the house, leave the lids off of things, and lose half of it in a week.

But she’s still full of anxiety, and now that school has started back up, I’m seeing an increase in complete meltdowns.

Have any of you done anything similar for your elementary school aged kids?

Have you made one for yourself?

What did you include?