I just realized how inexplicably sad I am for a past version of myself. I look at the pictures of me pregnant and just think, “You. You have no idea.” I want a time turner or a TARDIS so I can go cross my own timeline and tell that version of myself that it is all going to be okay. Excruciating at times, but ultimately okay. I’d like a future version to come confirm that, come to think of it.
I go back to work in just over one week. I feel like I should be okay with it. I was prepared to be okay with it. The teachers at this school are like family. I trust them to love my children.
I owe everyone a long update, I know. For the most part no news is good news.
Rowan is still nursing with only one bottle per day. I may not have to pay cobra after all. He’s over 10 pounds!
This morning Zach and I headed to the hospital one final time. We got there around 8:45. They did rounds on him first, then brought us paperwork to go over, and then we were on our way! I had to be wheeled down in a wheel chair, since our car seat isn’t an infant bucket seat. The nurses mentioned several times how very ready he was to go home. Maybe they knew how terrifying it is to go from 24/7 monitoring to… nothing. The NP mentioned during rounds that I’m good at pacing him when he eats. I’ve noticed that he is starting to remember to breathe between swallows, rather than gulp gulp gulping and then catching his breath.
Last night I decided I needed to get some sort of present to express my appreciation to the nurses of the Duke Regional SCN. I decided to make some bath salts and some hand cream. Then I bought chocolate. Flavored drink powders. Kiss My Face lotion. And coloring books, crayons, and colored pencils for older siblings visiting. Tomorrow I’m going to go get a whole bunch of Pelican Bucks for Pelican Snoball shaved ice.
If the Cholestasis had returned, or if the pre-e had stayed mild, I would have been induced at 37 weeks at Duke Regional.
Right now the plan is for me to room in at the hospital with Rowan tomorrow night. Discharge still won’t be until Sunday, but the room is only available for tomorrow night. So okay. I’ll get a meal tray, and some relatively quiet time with my son before he comes home. The nurses will be around to check on us, but I will do all of his care (temperature, diapers, weights, feeding), though the nurses will do the vitals, of course.