Inconsolable irony of Breathing

Rowan is sick. Again. I remember well the welcome-to-daycare series of plagues, but for Rowan a regular cold seems to turn into something more. This is the third time I’ve taken him in for coughing, with the second time being the dreaded RSV and hospital admission. I think he has had more sick visits in the eight months since his hospital discharge than Lorelei has in her entire six years. He’s on his second ear infection, and we’ve gone through almost an entire box of Xoponex nebulizer treatments. He spent hours last night screaming inconsolably.

Read more

It’s (sort of) my party and I’ll cry if I want to

She wanted a Honey I Shrunk the Kids birthday party.

I made giant decorations. Baked the cake. Prepped and planned. The weather was beautiful; an early April day perfect for kiddie pools and bathing suits. I was 29 weeks pregnant.

Read more

“Farewell to the old me”

I just realized how inexplicably sad I am for a past version of myself. I look at the pictures of me pregnant and just think, “You. You have no idea.”  I want a time turner or a TARDIS so I can go cross my own timeline and tell that version of myself that it is all going to be okay. Excruciating at times, but ultimately okay. I’d like a future version to come confirm that, come to think of it.

Read more

the boob, the boob, the boob is on fire

I was going to write about how much better the day to day has gotten. But then I woke up this morning in extreme pain, followed by chills and a feverish feeling. I could feel the plugged duct causing the mastitis. I must have gotten it unplugged because when rowan nursed he was having to swallow so fast that I was scared he would choke. And then I pumped 3oz from that side alone.   This morning I had the telltale red streaks radiating out. 

Read more