Emotional Waterboarding: Comme See, Comme Saw

For me, dealing with anxiety and depression at the same time is like the world’s worst seesaw.

 

Imagine being on both ends of the seesaw at the same time

neutral

One side dips down into a murky pool of anxiety

anxiety

Then the other side drops into the dark pool of depression

depression

Back and forth

anxiety again

And back and forth

depression againWhen that gets boring, anxiety and depression like to work together

together

Sometimes I can get it to land in the middle for a while. It’s not a happy place, exactly — more the absence of acute distressed feelings. Even as I try to catch my breath, I know it is going to tilt one way or another again soon. Keeping the balance in the middle takes every ounce of strength I have, and it’s not a matter of if I’m going to fall again, it’s a matter of when and which direction

neutral 2

Emotional waterboarding

And while I’m trying to balance this see-saw, people keep handing me things to do. And then they suggest that maybe if I just ____ it would help

rainAnd all these things have weight.

In the meantime, I’m trying REALLY hard to just avoid falling off the seesaw completely while juggling all these heavy objects and obligations

too much

 

Oh, and did I mention it’s pouring rain and there are probably sharks in the water?

sharksYou might be expecting me to wrap this up with some sort of optimistic frame about liferafts. Or maybe floating. Treading water, at the very least. But no, right now I’m hanging out, fending off the sharks. It’s ok, though. Eventually I will find dry land. Or if not that, then I will at least climb back on the seesaw as the puddles shrink.

I’m just not ready to draw that, yet

sneak attack

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