I was thinking I hadn’t felt all that depressed this winter. Then I realized that everyone else is also depressed so I’m only less depressed by comparison. It’s difficult to wallow in this temporary darkness when we are all engulfed in an existential muck. We are all Artax and we’re walking through the Swamp of Sadness. Even the most optimistic among us are Atreyu, at best — doomed to keep up that grim determination lest The Nothing descend upon us all.
I remember coming across a meme that said something like, “I’m not a night owl or an early bird. I’m a perpetually exhausted pigeon.”
Rowan had yet another audiologist appointment yesterday, followed by an appointment with the ENT. It turned out the audiologist appointment was very brief; she did the test to check eardrum flexibility and it was still showing that his eardrums were not moving nearly as much as they should be. She decided not to make him sit through another hearing test.
I finally, finally won the battle of the Christmas tree.
I recently wrote a piece for HuffPo about my general apathy for the prolonged Christmas season. The whole Christmas tree thing is slightly anxiety-producing on the best of years but this year, with a curious toddler who likes to climb things and I just was not feeling it.
Holy guacamole, Rowan is 18 months old. Pretty much all words I have to say about that are just cliche parenting lines about “my baby” and “time flies” and whatnot.
Embarrassing our children — Not just for human kids anymore.
We get Squirt shaved once a year or so, but normally if we are going to get Maya groomed it’s just a bath and brush out. But because I am not capable of caring for the number of living beings in my house, she had gotten matted without me realizing how bad it was in a couple of areas. So this happened. She is so fucking embarrassed.
When I started writing more publicly late last year, I could not have foreseen just how often I would write about obsessive-compulsive disorder. But at some point in my slight breakdown after Rowan’s premature birth I completely ran out of fucks to give.