Durham, NC – Visitors to Durham’s Museum of Life and Science were disappointed to learn that all outdoor exhibits beyond Sprout Cafe were closed to visitors on Monday.
The reason? A local mother let three of her four toddlers crawl through the fence surrounding the wolf enclosure.
“The problem with mothers today is that they let their kids run around like wild animals,” said museum patron Christina Stallings, the doting mother of one perfect child who never so much as goes to the fridge without her mom’s knowledge. “I saw all of those kids rolling in the dirt the other day while the parents just watched! They act like they’ve been raised by wolves!”
“That so-called mother left them to fend for themselves while she posed for photos in front of complete strangers,” said Stallings’s friend, Serena Solomon. “Because of this negligent mother, my little Skye and Siddhartha can’t go play in the mist. That’s their God-given right and now they may suffer from disappointment!”
Museum officials have stated that the children were in the care of their father at the time of the time of the incident.
“I still blame the mother,” said Solomon.
“This is what happens when you let the baby daddy babysit,” said Jim Jones of somewhere that is clearly not Durham. “I bet those kids are all getting government assistance, too. Our tax dollars hard at work putting food in their mouths. Tsk tsk. Those parents should be locked behind bars!”
Jones’s wife, Brenda Jones added, “Four babies! I wonder if they were conceived naturally? Parents these days act like their whole species is endangered.”
Visitor Ruby Grace says she once found herself in a similar situation, when her daughter, Eliza, fell into a snake exhibit. “The judgment is intense. That poor mama probably feels like hiding in a cave right about now. Lord help her if it turns out she breastfeeds them, too.”
After an exhaustive search of museum grounds, the three mischievous kids were reunited with their worried parents. The mother, 1858, has not let her offspring out of her sight since the incident.
“That’s the problem with mothers today,” said Stallings, “total helicopter parents, never letting the father help, always watching their kids’ every move.”