Butthurt

ill-ad·vised
adjective

1. unwise or imprudent

There are a surprising number of people in the greater Triangle area who want to pay $12 to go out well past turn-into-a-pumpkin time to attempt skating while wearing costumes, drinking beer, and listening to disco.  Most of these people can’t skate.  Major props to the older guy wearing a full psychedelic body suit, because quite a few people seemed to be confusing disco with the 80s, and one guy was dressed up as an Angler fish.
I mean, what could go wrong?

The place was packed. At least two people took their beers onto the floor itself, where they promptly fell, splashing beer all over the place.

I regularly bump into doorways and furniture when stone-cold sober, but put skates on me?  Even several beers in and I am more than capable.  Ehrrr, theoretically, of course.  I never tested this theory in college, obviously. I’ve been skating for almost 30 years and falling isn’t something I do. Except for the time that I decided to skate down my friend’s very steep mountain driveway.  That, folks, is ill-advised.

So of course, I fell.  A guy skated in front of me, tripped on my skate, and we both went down. Quitters know when to quit. And for this quitter that was at 12:30am after falling directly on my ass. The line to rent skates was still stretched halfway around the building, so things were not trending upward.

Anyhow.  I think I broke my butt. I asked Facebook how you can tell if your tailbone is broken vs bruised and they very unhelpfully told me that you can’t. At least not without an x-ray, and it doesn’t matter because there is nothing you can do but suffer.

Y’all, it’s 2016 and I have a disco-related injury.

And I sort of can’t wait to do it again.