Why snow serious?

Whew.  Things got a little heavy for a minute.  Let’s move on.

There is a chance of a flurry tonight, which means we need to cancel life.

Maybe you have never been in North Carolina for a flurry-blizzard such as they are calling for this evening.  Maybe you have never been witness to the snowpocalyptic scene caused by the threat of a dusting of snow.  So here are a few things to keep in mind.

You should never, and I mean never, make fun of us.  I am serious about this.  There are three things that will make a North Carolinian’s head explode off of their shoulders: pledging allegiance to the wrong kind of barbeque, rooting for the wrong basketball team, and making fun of our reactions to frozen precipitation.  We can make fun of ourselves, thankyouverymuch.

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Six inches of snow and ice.  Wearing a tank top.

We know it seems ridiculous.  But we only get major snowstorms once every few years, so it just doesn’t make financial sense for us to have 234920839 snow plows and enough salt to brine every Thanksgiving turkey for the next decade.  I’ve lived in New York… you’re not actually that great at driving in the snow either, it’s just you rarely have to.  And our snow is almost always accompanied by a layer of ice.

Just because it’s 70 degrees doesn’t mean it won’t snow tomorrow.  And it may very well be 70 agrees again by this weekend.

If they have been forecasting flakes for more than a few hours and you had your sights set on French toast breakfasts while watching the freezing rain, you are probably out of luck. And don’t plan to drown your miseries in beer. You’ll be lucky to come up with a half-broken dozen eggs and some lime-flavored Budweiser.  Because in the south, when snow is in the forecast we basically loot the stores. Though we’re so polite we still pay for everything.

It’s too late to buy snow gear. I once went to five stores to try to find gloves for toddler Lorelei.  If only I had been searching for a tiny american flag bikini in toddler sizes I might have been set.  Basically, if it hasn’t snowed by January we sort of forget that snow is even possible.  We are already daydreaming of the beach.

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Yeah, I woke her up for this.

Schools are going to close. I am writing this after having picked up Lorelei from a friend’s house because after school care was cancelled due to the vague threat of some snow showers. Some years it may not snow at all.  Some years might be like last year, when kids were out of school every Monday for more than a month, and had at least one week almost completely at home. Good luck planning things. Really, just good luck in general.

Every once in awhile we have a snow storm that scares us for the next decade. There was the 1989 Christmas storm.  The early 2000s ice storm.  And then there was the storm of two years ago.  It took people hours and hours to drive a few miles.  Many people ditched their cars and walked.  People were stranded overnight.  This happened:

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Y’all.  A car literally caught on fire.  I don’t even know.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pack my survival kit for this impending snow shower.

 

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