Solstice

The summer child is running, the summer child is running again.
The summer child is running, the summer child is running again
When you hear the feet and the sound of laughter,
Better step aside for the mayhem after
Here she comes, yeah the summer child is running again.
– Dar Williams

I first realized Winter was a problem in January, 2003.  The end of 2002 had done me no favors, and the edge of my rope was fraying quickly.

Escape.

My nerves vibrated and my brain buzzed with anxious energy that would not let go.  I wanted everyone around me to disappear, to quit talking to me, to leave me alone.  I wanted time with no expectations from others or of myself.

So I ran.

This time, at least, I didn’t decide to switch colleges (another story for another time… maybe a future #TBT?).  This time I figured maybe a night in a hotel would do.  I checked myself into a nearby hotel with an indoor pool, and I told no one where I would be. I couldn’t help but notice that this was not something most 21 year olds were doing.

It has become somewhat of a late winter tradition, to lose the fight against the short days and cold nights.  My need for warmth and light is deep; real warmth, not the artificial dry heat of over-worked furnaces.  I feel trapped; by the clothes, by creative desire that lacks motivation. I want to hibernate.

So here we are, back on the doorstep of Winter.  I find myself letting this unseasonably warm December lull me into apprehensive complacency.  There is always hopefulness at the Winter Solstice, because the days are getting longer. Let there be light! Things are looking up.  I’ve survived!

Premature celebration.  Everyone knows February is the longest month, and this year we get an extra day of it.  The long way ’round is the only way through, but on the other side there are flowers, and warmth, and a million pieces of sunlight to bring me back to the surface.  The turbulent energy can be sent out into the world as an outpouring of gardens and projects.  There’s just a lot of darkness to tread in between.

Though it’s dark as far as sight
Dark can’t terminate the light
Somewhere on the other side the sun is shining

– The Nields

 

 

 

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4 Comments on "Solstice"

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Steven
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Steven

I was just speaking with a co-worker about how messed up it is that I am ready to party and throw.the.hell.down on the winter solstice. And then on the summer solstice I get all depressed and think summer’s over and that everything sucks.

sjrash
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sjrash

I was just discussing with a colleague about how it’s super weird that I approach the winter solstice with such excitement and glee. Like I’m ready to throw down and have a hella party to celebrate that it’s all up hill from here.

And on the summer solstice I get all sad and depressed watching the sun set at its latest thinking that summer is over and everything sucks.

sjrash
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sjrash

Stupid wordpress. I made one comment. Then it made me log in. Then it told me that the page could not be reloaded. Then I had to comment again. Then it posted version 1 and version 2.

washerndryer
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I remember January 2003 very very well. There was a heavy snow and school was closed for a good long while. UNC let off-campus students stay with on-campus friends to stay safe and warm, as many had lost power from the storm. It was an incredibly hard winter, one which changed me in ways that I cannot describe in a blog comment.

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