The summer child is running, the summer child is running again.
The summer child is running, the summer child is running again
When you hear the feet and the sound of laughter,
Better step aside for the mayhem after
Here she comes, yeah the summer child is running again.
– Dar Williams
I first realized Winter was a problem in January, 2003. The end of 2002 had done me no favors, and the edge of my rope was fraying quickly.
My nerves vibrated and my brain buzzed with anxious energy that would not let go. I wanted everyone around me to disappear, to quit talking to me, to leave me alone. I wanted time with no expectations from others or of myself.
So I ran.
This time, at least, I didn’t decide to switch colleges (another story for another time… maybe a future #TBT?). This time I figured maybe a night in a hotel would do. I checked myself into a nearby hotel with an indoor pool, and I told no one where I would be. I couldn’t help but notice that this was not something most 21 year olds were doing.
It has become somewhat of a late winter tradition, to lose the fight against the short days and cold nights. My need for warmth and light is deep; real warmth, not the artificial dry heat of over-worked furnaces. I feel trapped; by the clothes, by creative desire that lacks motivation. I want to hibernate.
So here we are, back on the doorstep of Winter. I find myself letting this unseasonably warm December lull me into apprehensive complacency. There is always hopefulness at the Winter Solstice, because the days are getting longer. Let there be light! Things are looking up. I’ve survived!
Premature celebration. Everyone knows February is the longest month, and this year we get an extra day of it. The long way ’round is the only way through, but on the other side there are flowers, and warmth, and a million pieces of sunlight to bring me back to the surface. The turbulent energy can be sent out into the world as an outpouring of gardens and projects. There’s just a lot of darkness to tread in between.
Though it’s dark as far as sight
Dark can’t terminate the light
Somewhere on the other side the sun is shining
– The Nields