I just realized how inexplicably sad I am for a past version of myself. I look at the pictures of me pregnant and just think, “You. You have no idea.” I want a time turner or a TARDIS so I can go cross my own timeline and tell that version of myself that it is all going to be okay. Excruciating at times, but ultimately okay. I’d like a future version to come confirm that, come to think of it.
It’s weird to feel sympathy for your past self. It’s not the same as feeling sorry for yourself (though goodness knows I’ve done more than my fair share of that, too). It’s a strange sense of sadness for what I know she is about to go through. It is like watching an accident in slow motion, but being able to do nothing to stop it. It is watching a movie and knowing the girl is going to open that door, knowing what is behind the curtain, knowing she can’t hear your warnings.
Of course, I now know Rowan. And he’s pretty awesome.