One month

I can’t believe if has been a month since this all started.  A month ago from right now I was decorating and cooking for Lorelei’s party.

Physically I’m doing pretty well.  A lot of the brain fog of the last month has lifted.  My ankles exist again.  My abs are non-existent, but not in too much pain.  The incision site itself is still sore, but not overly so, though it’ll be nice when I can easily wear pants again (even if they are maternity pants).  Three weeks of bed rest, followed by a c-section, followed by a preemie in the nicu, and pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock has left me fatigued.  But then again, so would a newborn at home.  I have my next BP check on Thursday.

Emotionally things are a roller coaster.  Celebrating each milestone, each sleep smile, and just the fact that my baby is doing so well.  Being enormously appreciative of all my friends, coworkers, and family.  Being glad that while things got urgent, and more than a little scary, they didn’t get critically emergent.  But trying to balance c-section recovery, a baby in the NICU, and a five year old is exhausting.  And coming to terms with everything is going to take time.  Not having Rowan at home is hard.  I don’t do well with expectations being torn apart, and this was definitely what happened at the end of this pregnancy.  But it will be okay.  All my friends with NICU graduates say that this will be a blip and a memory eventually.  It’s just difficult to be in the middle of it!

Good news, though!  My Kiel application was approved!  Duke has a program where people can donate vacation time “to fellow employees who have experienced a catastrophic illness or injury and who have exhausted all accrued time, thus resulting in a prolonged,  unpaid leave of absence.”  I exhausted all of my vacation/sick time three weeks ago.

And because I would hate to leave you without a Rowan fix, here ya go.  The many faces of Rowan (these were all taken in about a ten-minute time frame)